"Love Meets Sexual Needs" - Part 2
/We continue our discussion on sexual intimacy by diving into a challenging passage of scripture. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 is too long to quote here, so I encourage you to take a moment to read it. Paul notes that it is good for married couples to have normal sexual relations, that our spouse “has authority” over our body, and that we do not want to deprive each other. The idea of authority over our spouse’s body may be unsettling or confusing in our world. But God created marriage to be a “one flesh union”, so you are the only person on earth designated to fulfill your partner’s sexual needs. Withholding sex, especially if your spouse’s love language is physical touch, places a great strain on the relationship. Your spouse is left with no other God-approved alternatives, which may open the door to temptation. Paul recognizes this danger by warning us to come together again so Satan will not take advantage of our lack of control.
The heart of marriage is the giving of ourselves to each other to meet the other’s needs. Therefore sex must never be used by a partner as a weapon, nor unjustly withheld as a bargaining tool. Rigorous requirements to “earn it as a reward” must be avoided. Having said this, the intent of this passage is not to give a spouse carte blanche to demand sex from their partner, practice immoral sexual behavior, or be abusive in any way. To do so is utter selfishness and not true love. Paul is advocating the principles of agreement, respect, and mutuality in our marital relationship.
As we learn and relearn the grace and love of mutual submission to serve each other by giving ourselves to our spouse for their pleasure, we can reclaim and experience the wonder and beauty that God intended for our marriage. Sex is a significant aspect of our marital relationship and integrating our physical intimacy with rock-solid principles for emotional and spiritual health is key for experiencing the best marriage has to offer.
Sexual intimacy is best approached with an attitude of gratitude and genuine love, not simply as a duty. So as you engage in sexual relations with your spouse, remember that this union is a celebration of your marriage. You are a gift to your spouse, and your spouse is a gift to you from God. God invites you to enjoy each other. In marriage, we have this unique privilege of being exposed and vulnerable, intimate, and deeply loved. God gives us the pleasure of physical intimacy with our spouse as a way to bless us and to strengthen our love and commitment for each other.
But it should also be noted that this intimacy and vulnerability can open us up to misunderstandings and wounds. If you are struggling, please seek help from a trusted friend, mentor, pastor or professional counselor.
Next week, we will look at some practical steps for your relationship which can improve the mutual enjoyment of sexual intimacy between you and your spouse. Until then, may God continue to bless you and your marriage.