"Love's Motivation - Personal Thoughts"
/It took nearly a month to compose last week’s message. Writing does not come naturally for me. It requires a lot of time and focus, so the demands of officiating another national curling championship made this impossible. But I must also confess that I initially underestimated the significance of this faith-challenging topic.
While using Love Dare material to write about motivation, I gradually developed another perspective and will phrase it with this question: “Why don’t we love our spouse as we should?” I don’t believe it is a matter of not knowing what we should do. The Bible is crystal clear and we have covered many facets of unconditional love throughout this series. So why do we resist following God’s plan?
The answer lies in our selfishness. We put “our kingdom of one” before God’s Kingdom. Paul Tripp talks about an inner lawyer in each of us ready to defend our actions and justify our needs. The concept of loving another, especially when it is difficult to do so or when they cause us pain, is a daunting task. But God calls us to do it anyways - just as Jesus loves and died for us though we are unworthy. That’s why loving someone, including a spouse when it is challenging, can be an act of worship. We love them, because we love God. And we do it not out of duty, but out of gratitude for how much God loves us. Love motivated by raw duty or ideal conditions will never last long. Only a love that is lifted up to God never loses its anchor and will endure.
Here is another Paul Tripp saying: “My problem is not that I don’t love my wife enough, my problem is that I don’t love God enough.” You might feel this is “too theological” and lacks practical application. At times, I feel the same way. But you may discover if you dig deeper, as I did in writing this message, that the motivation for loving others MUST come from something beyond the fickleness of emotions or the desires of our sinful heart. Love comes from God, not us, and so our motivation to love others must be found in Him. Never forget the need to always go vertical first in any relationship. Seek God and make Him your source of motivation in all you do, including your marriage.
Some may ask, “But what if my spouse repeatedly rejects my love?” Though worthy of discussion, this would require at least another message so I will come back to it someday. Meanwhile here are three highlights from a chapter on this subject in Gary Thomas’ book “A Lifelong Love”:
God doesn’t call us to love only unselfish spouses.
If we love out of reverence for God, we will receive God’s comfort.
Giving to get is the world’s view of love, but it is not Christ’s.
God stands ready to bless us with joy in our relationships, but marriage was not designed solely for our pleasure. Marriage is part of the sanctification process in our spiritual journey to become more holy. And marriage is yet another means by which we can worship our Lord. If you focus on serving and pleasing Him, you will likely find your marriage lifted to a higher level.