"Love's Motivation"

It doesn’t take long to discover that our spouse will not always motivate our love. Sometimes they will de-motivate us and make it difficult to find the inspiration to love them. They may even resist genuine expressions of our love. All this can be discouraging, but it is common – even in many healthy marriages.

Motivational targets based on moods and emotions are similar to the parable of building a house on sand. Both are unanchored and fragile. Steadfast love, and the motivation to follow its call, requires a rock solid foundation; one that always remains fixed and unchanged. God needs to be that foundation and the reason for loving. Love does not come from us – it comes from God and He gives us the ability to love others.

Love Dare asks us to think back to childhood when we followed rules established by our parents. Initially, the consequences of disobeying was our primary incentive to comply. But as we grew in both age and faith, we realized that we also have to answer to God. When we surrender our lives to God, He becomes our motivation and pleasing Him becomes our goal. Colossians 3:18-24 paints a beautiful picture of what this looks like in areas of work, service, marriage - in everything we do. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart… It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

The love demonstrated in your marriage should ultimately have one major objective: loving and honoring God with devotion and sincerity. Your role as a spouse will take on new meaning when you see it as a way for living out your love for God. John says we show this through the way we treat, serve, and love others (1 John 3:17 and 4:11-21). This means every loving thought, attitude or action in your marriage becomes another way of saying, “I love you God.” The fact that doing so blesses your spouse is wonderful benefit. And if you find any joy in this, consider it an additional blessing from the Lord for “keeping in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-25).

Perhaps you may wonder whether your marriage or love for your spouse will suffer in making God your primary focus and greatest delight. Quite the contrary! In drawing closer to Him, the creator of marriage and the one who loves your spouse even more than you do, your marriage is ready to soar to new heights!

The world fails to grasp this “Christian advantage” of marriage. Knowing that God is your source of everything gives you the ability to interact graciously with your spouse. No longer is this imperfect person the determining factor for how much you will love them, rather you gratefully allow God to use an imperfect you to bestow love on another.

Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to chance and hope for the best. But if you are committed to loving your spouse to the fullest, then you need love’s unchanging motivation. Love that is God-focused has unlimited potential. So when you are not motivated to do it for them, do it for Him.