"Love is Accountable"

Love Dare begins with an interesting sequoia tree analogy. Their massive size is one reason they can withstand severe environmental challenges and live for thousands of years. But they also have a hidden secret below the surface. Their roots, though only 6-12 feet deep, spread out and interlock with those of neighboring sequoias. Each tree is reinforced by the strength of the others.

The secret of the sequoia parallels fundamentals for maintaining a healthy, enduring marriage. When a couple faces challenges alone, the relationship is at greater risk of falling apart. But those who are engaged in a network of other strong marriages have better odds of weathering hard times. It is therefore important for a couple to pursue godly advice, healthy friendships, and experienced mentors.

Proverbs repeatedly speaks about the importance of wisdom and the need for prudent counsel. Wise people seek and gladly accept it. Fools never ask and then ignore it when given to them. “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15).

Wise counsel can help marriages run smoother and sometimes make the difference between success or failure. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” So why waste valuable time learning painful lessons when you may be able to discover those same truths sooner through sage advice? Why not cross the bridges that others have built by inviting strong couples to share the wisdom that they have gained? Not seeking or receiving wisdom is like letting gold slip through your fingers.

If your marriage is in crisis, then pursue solid counseling as quickly as possible. It may be initially awkward to open up to a stranger, but your marriage is worth the effort. And even couples in stable or flourishing marriages can benefit from forming bonds with other strong friends and couples.

Do you have a seasoned couple or trustworthy, same-gender friend you can turn to for sound advice, prayer support and accountability check-ups? Stephen Mansfield calls this his “Band of Brothers”. Whether you’re looking for a band of brothers or sisters, it can be a blessing for you and for your marriage to have trusted people who are willing to be honest with you, warn you about bad decisions, hold you accountable, encourage you when you are down, and cheer you on when you succeed.

But be careful who you chose. Everyone has an opinion and some will encourage you to act selfishly and pursue your own happiness. Look for individuals and couples who model the kind of marriage you want. Seek those who put God above all else – people who don’t live by their opinions, rather live by the unchanging Word of God. More often than not, they will be delighted that you asked for help.

Our series repeatedly stresses the need to seek God’s help. This always comes first and nothing is meant to replace this, but remember that God works through others. He created and uses Christian fellowship to bless and strengthen us. So pray for God to send strong individuals and couples into your life. Be accountable in your marriage and willing to spend the effort.